The charming Mr Wallace.


Ok so this last few of days I have been getting messages, totally out of the blue, from some random man...Here's where our messages are up to so far....

Wallace Michael

Hello dear i came across your profile I perceived immediately there is something unique and very special about you am Mr Wallace i will be delighted to be your friend

Julia Turner
Hi, I'm sorry, but as I have no idea who you are, where or why you found and viewed my profile, I'm going to have to decline your offer of friendship

Wallace Michael
Dear Julia are you doing today i hope you are fine? Thanks for your reply after you got my mail, you gave me a second chance to write back i appreciate your nice am about to sleep right this moment before i happen to see you mail so i felt to check on you. Am Mr Wallace I am from Norway lives in United state, you got my eyes since the first day i set my eyes on your profile your imagination was so irresistible, I cant take you off my mind so i felt to express my feelings by sending this mail to you telling you how i truly feel for you. I hope you don't mind me. I am an open minded person I cant hide my feelings, I like you and i will be delighted if you can tell me about yourself and work i will like to know more about you i awaits your reply.. regards to people around you

Julia Turner
My dearest Mr Wallace, I am incredibly flattered by your message and after looking at your profile picture I feel like all my Christmas's have come at once! 
I will tell you a little more about myself and hope, that in return, you will let me know a little bit more about yourself too. 

My work is closely related to the fashion industry. I work for a large and well known retail company here in the UK. My job title is " Knicker stretcher" My backside is almost the size of the moon and as such is ideal to mould and shape ladies underwear in such a way that makes it more comfortable and practical for the larger, modern woman of today...This simply involves me wearing their products an hour at a time, before they are sent on to various retail outlets. Wearing their products also enables me in my other role as a 'Gusset durability tester'....I think that one is self explanatory.

I am very family orientated and adore my 13 children beyond compare. 
I have 33 Grandchildren living with me at present and another 3 on the way! 
I also share my home with 5 dogs, 17 cats, an ostrich and 2 camels.

My hobbies include, knitting straw hats for abandoned dogs, sky diving, howling at the moon, urinating in plant pots and eating cake....LOTS of cake! I LOVE CAKE!

I have been married unsuccessfully 7 times. I'm guessing that my overwhelming body odour and toothless kisses were no longer attractive once the 'honeymoon period' had worn off..... but I am still on the look out for Mr Right...maybe that could be you?

I look forward to hearing from you again soon!
Kindest regards,
Julia

Wallace Michael
Dear Julia how is your day going i hope you are fine and this mail finds you in good health, Thanks for your reply and also telling me about yourself you are a nice woman and am so delighted to make you my friend, All i seek from you is to open your heart and accept me to be your man i assure you i will never let you down. I feel so blessed because your thought was channeled to my direction and Every journey is set out with a well defined destination in mind and it takes courage and conscious determination to arrive there, I am here and ready to devote time to make all the necessary communication to you because I like you and desire to get closer to you and see if there’s chemistry to yoke our heart together because nothing works until someone work on it. and am tired of being lonely, on trial on finding my soul mate all the qualities i need in a woman seems to be in you and i will like to carry on with you. Am happy the day i met you and thank God i found you. I am willing to nurture this friendship to grow in the direction of a rewarding and a long lasting and everlasting relationship in all sincerity.. bye for now and hope to hear from you soon.. hugs

Julia Turner
Well you are either an incredibly desperate fruit loop with the IQ of a carpet tile or a relentless wind up merchant....I suspect the latter....

Wallace Michael
Dear Julia, i hope you are really doing fine fine today because that has been my wishes for you to always take care of your self, I can see that knowing you and the impression i possess toward the feeling i have for you is making you call it names, But whatsoever i want you to understand that i like you and the feelings i have for you is growing too deep i couldn't reach you, there is no day past without thinking about you, I believe that dreams come true because I have always dreamed of someone like you. I believe in love at first sight because i just felt so right when I saw your profile i cannot help but think only about you since the first time that i saw you i have fallen deeply and madly in love with you. Its when you get this fluttering feeling from deep down inside. Its when all you do is think about that special someone and all you do is smile. love at first sight is really true in this world you just have to find the right person. just like as a phenomenon i never believe in until i saw the beautiful sight of you. I truly believe everything happens for a reason, even if some things are terrible or it didn't want to happen. Life is too short to wake up in the morning with regrets, so love the people who treat you right, forget about the ones who don't, and believe that everything happens for a reason. If you get a chance, take it. If it changes your life let it.is really good to have a friend like you

Julia Turner
My Dearest Mr Wallace,
Thank you once again for your message and sugar coated compliments.
What more can I say? I am putty in your hands, you have melted my heart with your poetic prowess. My heart now belongs to you and you only! 
Please forgive my name calling, I find it difficult to resist. I guess the overwhelming passion I feel towards you is making me behave foolishly.

It is wonderful and heart warming to know that, at last, my breathtaking beauty has been recognised and acknowledged. In all my years on this planet, never before have I been so moved. My groin moistens at the mere thought of you! I am overtaken by passion!
Our chance meeting surely IS some kind of phenomenon.

However, it has to be said, I am starting to have genuine concerns for your mental well being. ....
Oars not all in the water? 
Elevator not quite reaching the top floor? 
The wheel's still turning but the hamster is dead? 
And are you sure that fluttering feeling you have isn't indigestion? Maybe it would be a good idea for you to purchase some Antacids?
Although I can not fault you on your incredulous, yet somewhat alarming, persistence!

Have you ever considered getting a pet? 
I would strongly recommend a dog...they listen to all sorts of bull shit, never judge or question your sincerity and love you beyond measure!

Please do give me more information about yourself...I am fascinated to learn more about you. What makes you tick?...What goes on (besides me obviously!) in your tiny little mind? What are your hobbies? 
Please do tell me all about your past relationships. 
Were they all conducted on the internet? 
Have you actually ever been with a woman or do all your relationships consist of chokin' your chicken online whilst spouting out a load of mindless dribble?
Please DO tell me more!

Awaiting your next message with eager anticipation and, of course, an open heart!
Regards
Julia

Wallace Michael
How are you dear Julie I could guess you are doing absolutely great today; I am so glad that we are moving ahead knowing each other is really an honor knowing you, then as to know if we can find the chemistry between us then we can decide. I really like to hear from you. One thing I am sure, after so long time of been without a serious relationship because of my job, I feel it now time to add fun and joy to my life, I am not the only one who appreciates genuine thing in a relationship, no matter what form of relationship . I am a person who gives everything to my loved ones, being with them in any situations, and will protect them like how I do for myself, knowing you as been a thing of joy in my life when ever i think of you i know that you are the woman heaven has settle peacefully for me despite we just knew each other but my great instinct tells me that, take care dear till you reply i awaits you

Julia Turner

Ok, so this was fun for a while, but you need to come up with some new material...you are getting boring now.
Thanks for the laughs though! 

Wallace Michael

How are you doing Julie i hope you are fine and this mail finds you in good health, It has now been a while now hoping to hear from you, Am so delighted you did  I really appreciate your interest in our welfare and your time to write me. However, I love to read your mail, I felt GOOD and this feeling that tells me you are that special one that could bring memories to me. Even though I never had any such relationship with you before, but this is the one that gives me huge interest and I really want to go into it with you. Relationship is all about understanding in every aspect of life which is acceptable in human society. I'm trilled about you and your personality. In my heart, I truly love to build a good relationship that could shape our future life and will show all cares to you I hope your family are doing fine. am only dreaming of a very simple dream to find somebody who will love me the way I do. well you never can tell what the future holds for us ... OK? But I promise to make your life happier if you allow me to see true and sincere affection without any feeling of pretence i will respect and love you OK? I need more attention and your effort to keep the ball rolling. if only will hold on to our friendship. And i would want us to keep our friendship strong and alive!I looking forward to read more from you soon.Have a pleasant day with love

WELL!! He is certainly relentless!!! 
I started to get a bit bored at this point and realised that this guy was NEVER going to give up, so I sent him an email that said nothing but 'Cheese' over and over again and he eventually got the hint and gave up!!!











No comments:

Post a Comment

Please leave a comment!
Your feedback is much appreciated :)